Are You Okay?

You guys, I write this post to you while I sit on the bathroom floor of my hotel room drinking a glass of wine.  What I want to know mamas is “Are you okay?”  A question we are frequently asked, but never answer with the full truth.

Want to know a secret?  I AM NOT OKAY!  Guess what!  The majority of us aren’t.  Post Partum Depression is a REAL thing.  Am I experiencing it?  After over 6 months, I think it’s safe to say yes.

I became a mother of 2 half a year ago.  It was all so much better than my first experience. I got to see and hold her right away.  In recovery she was there within 20 minutes, then we all went off to the room together, but I didn’t like her.  I loved her, but I didn’t like her.

IMG_4544.JPGWe took her home…but I didn’t like her.  I loved her, but I didn’t like her.

I knew having my second wouldn’t be like having my first.  I loved her, but I didn’t like her.

No one told me I would feel this way.  Even my sweet husband who thinks the world of me, who thinks I can move mountains, who watched me love our first daughter, who thinks I could DO NO WRONG.  Bless him!

I love her, but I don’t like her.  She is EVERYTHING we wanted  A perfect, sweet, chubby little human, with rolls and a gentle nature.  I love her, but I don’t like her.

I was caught off guard by this human who needed me in ways I didn’t want to be there for.  What is sleep precious?  Oh, I don’t know!  I lived pregnancy for what seems like 2 years straight.  When the toddler needs me, it seems like you need me too.  Am I a bad mom, NO!  Is post partum depression real?  FUCK YES!  I am living it, and it is GRUELLING!  I want NO MOM to be left in the dark!  Come to me, talk to me, cry with me.  ROAR WITH ME!  Sister I am here with you.  When it seems like no one else hears you, or is listening to you I AM!  Let me be there with you through your triumphs and UPLIFT you through your downfalls!  I LOVE my husband who downplays my downfalls, BUT THEY ARE A FICKLE BITCH!  SISTER I am here with you.  Roar like the goddess you are.  Let me help you through your worst fears and darkest days.  Sisterhood, united we stand.

 

#thankyou

From a young age we are taught to say “please” and “thank you.”  This is ingrained into us, but somewhere along the way we start to get comfortable and our manners fall to the wayside.

Last night I was talking to Nick before bed and I thanked him for being my husband, then it hit me.  I do NOT say the words “thank you” to him often enough.  Why is this?  I always just assume it goes without saying that he knows I am thankful for him and the things he does for me and our family.  Does that excuse me from minding my manners?  Absolutely not.  Would you not thank your Barista for making your coffee because you just assume they know you’re thankful?  Hopefully not!

We need to take the time to start treating our loved ones and friends the way we treat strangers.  It is so easy to get caught up in the daily grind, get stuck in your routine and just assume things go without saying.  It is also SO easy to take a second to thank the people who helped to get you where you are, and who are continuously supporting you along the way.

Even if your husband is 1,000 kilometers away and unable to physically help you through the day, thank him for listening to you.  Thank your children for being yours.  Thank your parents for everything they did for you growing up.  Go, do it now!  Say thank you to someone you love today.  Do it unexpectedly.  Brighten their day.