You guys, I write this post to you while I sit on the bathroom floor of my hotel room drinking a glass of wine. What I want to know mamas is “Are you okay?” A question we are frequently asked, but never answer with the full truth.
Want to know a secret? I AM NOT OKAY! Guess what! The majority of us aren’t. Post Partum Depression is a REAL thing. Am I experiencing it? After over 6 months, I think it’s safe to say yes.
I became a mother of 2 half a year ago. It was all so much better than my first experience. I got to see and hold her right away. In recovery she was there within 20 minutes, then we all went off to the room together, but I didn’t like her. I loved her, but I didn’t like her.
We took her home…but I didn’t like her. I loved her, but I didn’t like her.
I knew having my second wouldn’t be like having my first. I loved her, but I didn’t like her.
No one told me I would feel this way. Even my sweet husband who thinks the world of me, who thinks I can move mountains, who watched me love our first daughter, who thinks I could DO NO WRONG. Bless him!
I love her, but I don’t like her. She is EVERYTHING we wanted A perfect, sweet, chubby little human, with rolls and a gentle nature. I love her, but I don’t like her.
I was caught off guard by this human who needed me in ways I didn’t want to be there for. What is sleep precious? Oh, I don’t know! I lived pregnancy for what seems like 2 years straight. When the toddler needs me, it seems like you need me too. Am I a bad mom, NO! Is post partum depression real? FUCK YES! I am living it, and it is GRUELLING! I want NO MOM to be left in the dark! Come to me, talk to me, cry with me. ROAR WITH ME! Sister I am here with you. When it seems like no one else hears you, or is listening to you I AM! Let me be there with you through your triumphs and UPLIFT you through your downfalls! I LOVE my husband who downplays my downfalls, BUT THEY ARE A FICKLE BITCH! SISTER I am here with you. Roar like the goddess you are. Let me help you through your worst fears and darkest days. Sisterhood, united we stand.