You guys, I write this post to you while I sit on the bathroom floor of my hotel room drinking a glass of wine. What I want to know mamas is “Are you okay?” A question we are frequently asked, but never answer with the full truth.
Want to know a secret? I AM NOT OKAY! Guess what! The majority of us aren’t. Post Partum Depression is a REAL thing. Am I experiencing it? After over 6 months, I think it’s safe to say yes.
I became a mother of 2 half a year ago. It was all so much better than my first experience. I got to see and hold her right away. In recovery she was there within 20 minutes, then we all went off to the room together, but I didn’t like her. I loved her, but I didn’t like her.
We took her home…but I didn’t like her. I loved her, but I didn’t like her.
I knew having my second wouldn’t be like having my first. I loved her, but I didn’t like her.
No one told me I would feel this way. Even my sweet husband who thinks the world of me, who thinks I can move mountains, who watched me love our first daughter, who thinks I could DO NO WRONG. Bless him!
I love her, but I don’t like her. She is EVERYTHING we wanted A perfect, sweet, chubby little human, with rolls and a gentle nature. I love her, but I don’t like her.
I was caught off guard by this human who needed me in ways I didn’t want to be there for. What is sleep precious? Oh, I don’t know! I lived pregnancy for what seems like 2 years straight. When the toddler needs me, it seems like you need me too. Am I a bad mom, NO! Is post partum depression real? FUCK YES! I am living it, and it is GRUELLING! I want NO MOM to be left in the dark! Come to me, talk to me, cry with me. ROAR WITH ME! Sister I am here with you. When it seems like no one else hears you, or is listening to you I AM! Let me be there with you through your triumphs and UPLIFT you through your downfalls! I LOVE my husband who downplays my downfalls, BUT THEY ARE A FICKLE BITCH! SISTER I am here with you. Roar like the goddess you are. Let me help you through your worst fears and darkest days. Sisterhood, united we stand.
Well said and straight from the heart. I hope one day soon you learn to not only Love her…but Like her too.
Always remember,going from 1 to 2 kids is the hardest leap of all…so just know this is a phase and it will pass.
Keep shining that light on a very serious topic and know that YOU are also not alone.
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Christina..so much love for you girl. As you are an inspiration for me.
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Lindsay, I have SO been there. I felt the same way about my second baby, too. It was the strangest feeling and the immense guilt I felt for feeling that way was overwhelming. I told my mom that I loved my son because he was mine, but I did not LOVE him. I think she may have understood (or was too much in shock from what she just heard) & just told me it would come. And it did! It took a little time, but I overcame. PPD was so hard and in hindsight I wish I would’ve talked about it/seeked some help sooner but it’s tough when you’re in the thick of 2 under 2. Hang in there, mama! And know I’m totally here to chat if you need it.
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Olga you’re so sweet for reading and sharing your story! I’m here to talk for you any time too!
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I promise one day you’ll like her. I’m sure of it, because I’m on the other side!!! Love you.
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